Post by Rue Tian Slyth7 on Nov 19, 2007 10:29:27 GMT -5
Hello and welcome to Hogwarts Magic! I'm so sorry about the delay to your approval. Life caught up with me and then I lost the site. Anyway, onto the approval. 
What you have is great, but there are a few minor changes.
1- Caelus' height needs to match his age. I don't know many twelve year old boys who are 5'7" So if you could change his height to match his age, that'd be great.
2- You need a bit more in his physical description. At least 3 sentences. What does he wear when he's not in uniform? Does he have any outstanding features in his looks? Etc.
3- Personality description is good but you need at least 2 more sentences. What are his hobbies? Why does he act the way he does?
4- The last thing is the "[insert year here]" you can either figure out the year or just not mention the year, which is what I do because I'm terrible at math.
Once you have made these changes you may submit your modified biography in this thread.
Name: Caelus Albright Underwood
Age: 12
Year: 2nd
House: Ravenclaw
Blood: Half-blood
Pet: Cat named Berry, born grayish-white but often bewitched to be a different color, usually a deep blue or a bright red.
Wand: 11.5", ash, with a unicorn hair core
Physical Description: 5'7", medium-to-long length, often uncombed, dark brown hair, matching brown eyes, medium build, tanned skin.
Personality Description: Easily convinced, and occasionally taken advantage of, Caelus sometimes tries to take charge, but is generally content with simply following others.
History: Caelus was born outside of London on May 24, [Insert Year Here] to a half-blood witch, Vanessa Albright, and a Muggle-born man, Martin Underwood. Though fully aware of the magical world, he was raised in the Muggle world, with only occasional trips to magical places, until, at age 11, he received a letter stating he was admitted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Here he has kept above-average grades for the majority of his stay. His favorite subject is Transfiguration, and he hopes to someday become a professor of the subject.
Any additional information: In his first year, Caelus received a long, almost-straight scar, likely made physically and not magically, on his forearm. He has not told what caused this scar, although speculation suggests it was caused by some magical creature.
What you have is great, but there are a few minor changes.
1- Caelus' height needs to match his age. I don't know many twelve year old boys who are 5'7"
So if you could change his height to match his age, that'd be great. 2- You need a bit more in his physical description. At least 3 sentences. What does he wear when he's not in uniform? Does he have any outstanding features in his looks? Etc.
3- Personality description is good but you need at least 2 more sentences. What are his hobbies? Why does he act the way he does?
4- The last thing is the "[insert year here]" you can either figure out the year or just not mention the year, which is what I do because I'm terrible at math.
Once you have made these changes you may submit your modified biography in this thread.
Name: Caelus Albright Underwood
Age: 12
Year: 2nd
House: Ravenclaw
Blood: Half-blood
Pet: Cat named Berry, born grayish-white but often bewitched to be a different color, usually a deep blue or a bright red.
Wand: 11.5", ash, with a unicorn hair core
Physical Description: 5'7", medium-to-long length, often uncombed, dark brown hair, matching brown eyes, medium build, tanned skin.
Personality Description: Easily convinced, and occasionally taken advantage of, Caelus sometimes tries to take charge, but is generally content with simply following others.
History: Caelus was born outside of London on May 24, [Insert Year Here] to a half-blood witch, Vanessa Albright, and a Muggle-born man, Martin Underwood. Though fully aware of the magical world, he was raised in the Muggle world, with only occasional trips to magical places, until, at age 11, he received a letter stating he was admitted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Here he has kept above-average grades for the majority of his stay. His favorite subject is Transfiguration, and he hopes to someday become a professor of the subject.
Any additional information: In his first year, Caelus received a long, almost-straight scar, likely made physically and not magically, on his forearm. He has not told what caused this scar, although speculation suggests it was caused by some magical creature.